She Is My Fear

She Is My Fear

She is my friend yet my worst fear
I hear her laugh and I cry
It is only funny that she is stuck here forever
She controls my irregular heart beat
She determines what I will eat and not
What to drink and nay
She is my silent killer
I am aware that she is
And that too is stupid
I check on her all day and all night
And she keeps growing better
But her growth my deepest fear
Sometimes She dances and forces me along
My brain, legs and arms, her favourite parts
She scares me at night when she keeps me up
To pass water or up on the bed seated
I think
I think about the fact that she will finally kill me
I think about my helplessness
I find hope in drugs but for how long?
I keep asking mother time, how long can I live?
How long can I run away from my fate
I am destined to die, just like all Humans will
But unlike some Humans or Most
I have a silent killer to grow with
And what frightens me the most
Is that she is unpredictable
She can at anytime strike
And whether am aware or not
Is none of her business
Yet she lives right in my heart
She is deep down my blood vessels
And I can't help it but watch her grow
I ask that, have you ever felt so helpless
In a fight you know you have already lost?
In a fight where you keep rehearsing how to lose
How to mourn your own corpse
I weep
I sometimes weep
that Life has been cruel with me
To have brought her too early
The doctors said she normally likes men in their 40s
But these days, the trend has changed
She loves young guys the most
And we seem to love her too
What else can we do than to love our fear
Yes, I needed a woman but not her.
Yes, I needed to swing my waist
And ejaculate creamy sperms too
But not with this beast yet my angel

She has come to me at a time that I have so much to do
She has already warned me with a stroke
And she has threatened worse if I disobey her orders
She keeps killing me with each heart beat
And she keeps laughing each day when I die slowly
And I keep staring at the mirror on the wall
I see nothing but myself
And I hear nothing but her tiny voice
Screaming loud in my heart to rhythms of the pause
I cry, I cry, I cry
I say, oh please let me live tomorrow too
I have something for the world

Let me give it to them before you take me on
And She laughs even the louder at my plea
But I have grown courage to face whatever it may
Courage, Courage...did I say Courage?
Well Courage

Courage
Its sad but am happy I am courageous
But hold on, is it not- veneration?

Ha! it is called veneration

She is my fear
She keeps me alive on my fate;
That I too in a flash
will one day crash
on the ground dead
And the walls read
My obituary said
Gone too soon or
Life well Lived
That will be determined again by her
Or God may decide for we both

My hypertension my fear.