A True Confession Series

I never really imagined myself as the kind of a
woman who'd eat crumbs of another woman's leftovers,
Or rather the type that would gladly settle for second
best

Like the rest,
While knowing exactly that there is
"Her", who was, who is and probably will always be the
  rightful beholder.
I knew she existed & that
She belonged to his arms
I never dream of the day where
  I'd have to sit and
Wonder if it is the right time to call
Or if I'll even be lucky to have him
answer my call and
say "Hello Baby".
I have been so careful that i
avoided getting with
committed men, taken yet
available and married men,
Because i wanted one of own.
I wanted to get with a man who wouldn't need me to
prove my love for him daily.
Nor did i want a man who'd make
me feel like i am in a
competition and he could get any
bra, pant and skirt
that he wanted.

I did not want to be one of those
women who would
have to make an appointment to
see her man,
To call and check if he has time to
listen to what is
bothering,
Or even beg for him to avail himself for me.
See, i have collected so many stones
To know the difference between chalk and bones.
I have broken so many bottles with my teeth,
I have grinded so many rocks with my fists,
I kicked and dislocated so many earth faults with my
feet,
And i moved mountains with my wrists.
I have been around to know when a man wants to tap
and go
Or wants to put a ring on it.

But this time it was different.
I loved him with all my heart as if
he belonged to me,
I graduated from being a mistress
I wore the best clothes...
And put on push up bra's that could push my breasts a
cup up.
I have offered my body in hot summer, rainy and frosty
winter days
In different ways.
I have done it on the kitchen counter coming from the
back,
The bedroom while lying on my back,
On the rug while riding him,
The couch while teasing him.
I've done so many things that
could have kept him,
But none of it was enough
because he already had the
one.
I always thought i would know
when to walk away,
But the situation somehow forced
me to stay.
I was decaying inside
With worms crawling in rib cage.
The honest truth was insight
Yet i had no courage to accept the
show is over and get
off the stage.
I kept hoping for better days
While my heart accumulated
stains.
Nothing went down well in me,
I turned into an envelope of pain
nobody could send me,
Even the devil couldn't stand me.
But reality was more real than the
realistic of my love
life,
And i realised i deserved better
not only because i am
beautiful woman with milky
smooth skin
Or a curved natural Nymph
wearing her braids
But because i wasn't conceived
and bred to be anyone's
excuse to be busy
Or anyone's reason to cheat.
I packed all the feelings i laid out
for him,
Took back the respect i clothed
him with, but
Because i could not and cannot
take back the time i
invested in him,
I bought him a digital clock for him
to keep track of the
time he wasted.
Because life is too short to dig holes you cannot close..
It's been months since
we have parted ways,
I do miss him but my heart
doesn't beat for him anymore.
Being a side chick is not a game.
I'm telling you girls as one of you.