On the 7th day of
February, 2015, exactly a year today, it came and took very much away
from me - my speech, part of my brain, the muscles, my personality, my
reasoning ability, my superb retention- but it didn’t kill me; I rather
fought harder and instead, it made me stronger. The stroke taught me
some vital lessons in life which I wouldn’t have practised even if I met
them in my books.
It was very usual of a South
African morning sky to have the sun actively at labour, and the least
said about the effects of its rays on human skins and leather the
better. It was half past eight in Cape Town, the administrative city of
the country, and the city was already up with the refulgency of the sun,
bustling and hustling with the cries of conductors of commercial buses
traveling on the beautiful and black asphaltic roads. They were either
moving to or from Durban to Bellvile and vice versa. And for some
minutes long, I kept my gaze at the to and fro movement, from the
windows of my room. I watched the pedestrians too. They were either
walking or waiting to catch a bus to carry them to anywhere. I was
thinking about nothing in particular, my head was comfortably rested at
the intersection of my crossed hands on the panels of the glass windows.
But not before I could retire to bed for a second time sleep, did
Phina, my host, knocked at my door; she had come to ask if I cared to
visit the Tyger valley Mall, which She said was the biggest in the
country. "Yes please", I responded perfectly well and with much delight
in my voice. It was my third day in the country, and I was still curious
about everything within.
While in the bathroom, I
looked at myself in the mirror that hanged just above the sink; it
wasn’t a reflection of me I saw. It was of another man, whom we only
shared resemblances, but not in his distorted mouth; the upper lips had
shifted towards right and the lower to the left, and his reddened eye
balls looked like one who had just stopped crying over a hurtful loss. I
tried to understand that he was as normal as I was, but it was only
then, that I realized something was going the wrong way somewhere.
Something I couldn’t just fathom, it was strange to me and it appeared
that the man in the mirror was more frightened than I was.
I felt
total exhaustion after I managed to move my right hand to bath all of my
body, which, of course, included my right leg which was refusing to
stand properly. What is happening to me? I asked myself, but I knew I
had not even the slightest clue on the answer. I still managed to
re-enter my room to dress up for the mall, but I was weak and so I
bedded. No sooner had I rested than Phina called my attention to the
time and also advised that the sun could be terrible in the afternoon so
we made it now.
Phina was driving, and I was
seated just beside her, and she would, sporadically, converse with me.
When she asked me to teach her my local language, I grinned without
opening my mouth. Then another, she asked me how we said ‘good morning’
in my local dialect and I dared to speak, and the words just rushed all
up at once in my head, each wanting to come out of the contorted mouth,
confused as to what to say, I kept quiet. She asked why I was quiet, and
I answered; 'ablebla', that was when I realized I couldn’t speak. But
ignorant Phina laughed and asked if that was how we said ‘good morning’
in our local dialect, to which I nodded in the affirmation to save
myself from further questions. I wondered what was wrong with me, my
right hand wouldn’t do as the brain orders, and same with my right leg,
and my speech wouldn’t come and I felt very sorry for myself.
When
we reached the mall, Phina had a call from her son; she was to pick some
items from him at an uncommon ground, so she left me at the car park to
window shop while awaiting on her return. I came out of the car very
carefully yet unbalanced in my steps and so she asked me whether
everything was okay with me, and again, I nodded in response that all
was well.
I dragged my feet to the mall; I could only see its
magnificence in the white people around, for second I asked myself where
the black folks are? I could see items on display but my brain couldn’t
communicate with my eyes therefore everything I saw remained in the
eyes, and not further to the brain.
Unconsciously, I found myself sitting in a restaurant and a black guy
walked up to me with the menu, he welcomed me and asked if I would need
the menu. In a deliberate attempt to answer him, I accidentally threw up
the saliva I had all the while accumulated in my mouth at him but
rather to my surprise, the guy saw that something was wrong with me and
so was calm. I tried apologizing and the words wouldn’t just come out of
my mouth properly, I kept on throwing my hands in the air, gesturing
the words but I made no sense to even myself let alone the waiter. He
told not to bother at all, and opened the menu, I was pointing to a
particular dish but my right hand wouldn’t obey any orders from the
brain or it was the brain who wouldn’t communicate rightly. The waiter
then said he would serve me a nice meal. I threw my eyes wildly across
the food court and I saw the waiter positioned at a corner and keeping a
worried gaze on me.
He realized I found it difficult eating the
food. No hand to pick them from the white plate and no mouth to chew. I
kept on struggling with the feeding and ended up with the food in my
nose and all over the place. One of the customers seated with a lady
next to me, said to the girl friend; 'How can ocean basket allow mad men
to come here just because they have the money'. The waiter rushed to
me, and asked me if I needed assistance in anything, but I insisted I
was okay with my left hand. But the waiter was smart to realize I wasn’t
okay.
When I was exiting the mall to the car
park, looking around, I found out that the waiter was following me. My
right leg was eventually paralyzed, I fell to the floor at the park and
suddenly I wept. I was crying because I realized how abruptly but
gradually I was transmogrifying into a day old baby, who couldn’t think,
walk, touch and worse of all feed. But babies don’t go to shopping
malls by themselves. I knew I was still a man.
The waiter came to me
and begged me to talk to him; he asked me what he could do for me and I
wanted to tell him how I was feeling but each time I opened my mouth,
the brain wouldn’t bring out even a word, and that made me cry the more
such that the waiter too cried. We sat there in the middle of the car
park, and then my brain came back all of a sudden, I remembered that I
was with my phone; I gave it to him to call Phina to come for me.
He
did and said that Phina was just somewhere around the corner and that
she was already on her way to the mall. When Phina saw me on the floor
with the waiter, she began to weep. She had a soft heart. Phina was
above sixty years. I was hauled to Tyger Valley hospital, which I later
learned was the biggest and well equipped teaching hospital in Africa
and the third in the world. Indeed a first class hospital it was. I was
admitted in the intensive care unit and had about seven doctors around
me the whole night.
Just after three days, I could walk but far
away from perfect, but I had not restored my speech. I was assigned to a
speech therapist, a physiotherapist, a team of cardiovascular doctors
and a team of neurological doctors. And above all, a powerful praying
team, which included Phina and Noleen. So after a week in the hospital,
the doctors felt I was fit to go home and discharged me. The rest of
your functions will recover over time, the leader of the cardiovascular
team told me.
After some time in Cape town, I was flown back home to Accra, Ghana.
THE WAHALA OF A RECOVERING STROKE PATIENT
Right from kotoka international airport to my current location, I have constantly faced humiliation in one way or the other.
I remember sitting in a taxi with two university girls in Kumasi, they
engaged me in a conversation in English about the recklessness of some
taxi drivers on the road, when I tried speaking, the words just rushed
up in my head and I stammered over them, choosing them one after the
other. One of the girls, looked at me, said “You could speak twi” while
the other hid her face in the wind to laugh out. I looked at them and
only smiled and shook my head.
Another was when I was opening a
bank account in Accra, the lady started the conversation in English and
when I was responding, I made a mess out of myself; I kept saying
‘eeerrrhhmmmm’, and then she asked me what language I was fluent in, I
managed to respond out of shame, I said I spoke Chinese.
One day,
I was just walking by the street in my neighbourhood and I later found
myself in a trotro (commercial van) without knowing where I was going,
the mate (conductor) asked me for my money until I realized it was an
accident, and I told him I had no money on me and he was so furious
insulting me, I tried explaining but the words came only half way, so
the driver angrily dumped me at spanner junction and I walked to Accra
mall, went into the wash room and wept my sorrow off. I easily forget,
this stroke took away much from me.
In a meeting in Tamale, I
recall the secretary asking me to sign the attendance book, and when I
did, he looked at me, and told me to buy my first copy book to start
writing again. We both laughed. But mine was the kind of laughter which
comes from a sad heart. The stroke made my right hand, my writing hand,
weak such that it couldn’t hold pen firmly.
While I was in an
aircraft to Liberia, I wrote a poem in the clouds, I proof read the poem
severally, with each time picking many grammatical errors, spelling
mistakes, and a whole lot. Each time I read the poem and saw some errors
I wouldn’t have made if not the stroke, I would cry. I sent the piece
to a friend upon arriving and he asked whether I wrote it, having known
me for long, he saw in the poem that all was not well. He called and
asked “Cliff, you don’t write like this, I know you. Tell the writer to
do a little more of grammar and spellings before starting to write” then
I laughed. This time it was a genuine laughter.
And the worse of
it was when I am reading, I skip some of the words, which I later see
upon re-reading the piece. I would laugh as I read the paragraph again.
But in all these and more, I have never stopped believing in
myself; never stopped writing, never stopped reading, never stopped
learning a piece by heart to exercise the brain, I have never stopped
talking. These days, I have learned to laugh the more rather than cry
over my inabilities. And the results are mind blowing. I have also
learned not to talk at all when I was angry and my speech now is perfect
when I'm much relaxed and speak slowly. That way, I give the brain
enough room to process the thoughts slowly but sure.
And God has always, always got my back, that is why I am even able to type this piece in about an hour.
God is healing me, I believe I will be perfectly alright in three years to come, I have learned from a ted video.